Uncle Iggy & The Case Of
The Book Store Burglary
Late one evening, Iggy was feeling particularly horny. This was typical for him after solving a case, and tonight he closed his biggest of the year. Knowing that none of his regulars would be able to stop over for some action at this hour, he headed to the one spot he knew he could always get his dick wet; his favorite adult bookstore, Stain
On this particular night, Iggy entered the bookstore to an unusual set of circumstances. Harry, the after-hours manager was yelling at three similarly dressed patrons: “One of you assholes better give me my money before I call the police!”
Knowing any uniformed officers would scare away his chance of getting of getting-off, Iggy decided to put his private eye skills and resolve this issue quickly. “Harry, you dirty old sleaze ball, what trouble are you causing now?”
In a fit of rage Harry explained:
“It had been a slow night. There were only five guys in the back booths with no one was shopping in the front. Suddenly, a customer burst into the store ‘looking for lube and lots of it.’ It was clear he was in a hurry. He picked up a can of that $10 generic crap, threw a $100 bill at me, and told me to ‘keep the change.’ On his way out he ran right into a stand of dildos by the front door knocking them all to the ground. At first, that pissed me off because I had to clean up the mess, but then I realized I’d be able to keep the $90 as a tip. That’s nearly four times what I make an hour!”
“So, what’s the problem?” Iggy wished Harry would get to his point.
“Because, the whole scene was a scam! The lube customer was just a diversion!”
“How do you mean?”
“Everyone knows our cash register takes forever to ring up a sale. So, when I’m really busy, and people don’t need change or a receipt, I’ll store cash under the counter until I get a chance to ring all the sales at once. You’ve seen me do that yourself!”
Iggy nodded in agreement. The register was deathly slow. He once bought handcuffs for some hot play with some married guy he met at the cigar bar. Iggy asked for a receipt so he could write the purchase off on his taxes, but after five minutes of waiting, the married guy was starting to get cold feet, so Iggy he gave up.
Harry continued on with his story: “…Well, because the customer made such a mess, I decided to clean it up first before inputting the sale. So, just like I always do, I put the money under the counter and reset the display. But when I got back, the money was gone!””
“And you think it was one of these three?”
“It has to be! As I was walking back, I noticed a man walking away from me down the hallway me toward the booths. I couldn’t see his face; however, I was able to notice he was a white guy with a leather arm cuff on his right wrist, and he was wearing a black tee shirt with the words “WOOF” printed on the front!
Iggy turned to the three suspects. They all fit Harry’s description except each of them had different facial hair: one had a beard, another had a trimmed goatee, and the third had a mustache – that is, if you could call it a mustache; it wasn’t very thick and exposed the man’s complete upper lip. It was no comparison to the walrus-style one Iggy supported.
Iggy asked what they were doing at the time of the robbery? The pencil thin mustached man answered first in an argumentative tone:
“I’ll tell you what I was doing. I was getting my cock sucked…Don’t ask me by who. I don’t know. The glow from the TV was all I could see in the room. Can I go now?”
The younger cub with the goatee spoke next. “It was me. I was the one blowing him. When I saw him enter the booth, I just knew I had to have him. You see, I’ve always had a penchant for sucking off a man with a mustache. I simply cannot resist.” The cub winked at Iggy, then reached over and started rubbing his crotch; Iggy instantly chubbed up.
Iggy took a moment to give the cub a once-over. He was a hot commodity for sure: late 20s, thick bodied, full ass, and plump lips. Iggy began imagining what filthy, dirty things he could get this young man to do for him, but his fantasy was cut short when the bearded man chimed in:
“Look! I can vouch for them both. I was watching through a glory hole for the last 45 minutes.” The man pointed to the cub who at this point, was now kissing Iggy’s neck. “That cubby got the other guy to cum twice already, and he was working on the third load when the shop manager interrupted them.”
Iggy pulled the cub away from him so their eyes could connect, “Three times in less than an hour? I’m impressed. Tell me, were you born to suck cock, or are you just that experienced?”
It was at this point, Harry's impatience got the best of him. “Oh please! It’s clear they’re just lying to protect one another. No more games! I’m calling the cops in five seconds unless someone gives me my $100!”
“Settle down, Harry.” Iggy grabbed the cub by the back of his neck and pulled him close. “I can spot a hustle when I see one.”
How did Iggy figure out what was going on? Scroll down to finish the story.
How did Iggy figure out what was going on?
Scroll down to finish the story.
RESOLUTION: Iggy's Bathhouse Burglary
Without letting go of the cub with the goatee, Iggy addressed the other suspects: “You two, get out of here. But before you go, Harry will give you a free token for the hassle.” Harry objected at first, but then reluctantly handed them each a couple before they scrambled out the door.
The man with the goatee started to panic and squirm, but Iggy’s grasp on his neck kept him contained. The cub screamed, “I didn’t do it, I swear!”
The night manager acted vindicated: “Gonna play hard ball, is that it? Give me his wallet, Iggy. I’m taking all this punk’s cash to teach him a lesson!”
“Not so fast...” Iggy, not letting go of the cub, turned and addressed Harry. “The next time you decide to concoct a plan to rip off your own patrons, you better ensure your story makes sense.”
“What the hell are you talking about? What about my $100?” Harry threw up his arms in a tizzy and pointed to the counter.
“You and I both know no one took your money. I doubt it ever existed. Tell me, Harry, how could you see the words “Woof” printed on a shirt of a man who was walking away from you?” Harry began to object, but Iggy cut him off. “It’s late, and I don’t have time to hear your bullshit. I have to give you credit. It was a clever ploy. You knew the guys would eventually pool their money together and pay you off in order to stop you from calling the cops. Too bad for you, I stopped by. Now, if you don’t want me telling your boss about your shady business practices, you’ll let me use the booths for free for a month.”
Harry’s fake look of shock curled into a sly, slick smile. He nodded. “Well, you can’t blame a guy for trying to make an easy few bucks, can you?”
“WANNA BET?!” The cub was furious. “I’m going to tell EVERYONE about your scheme, including your boss. And there is no amount of tokens in the world which can stop me! You just wait and see!”
“No!” Iggy’s grip on the cub’s neck tightened.
“What makes you think I won’t?”
“Because…your discretion will be rewarded in other ways.” Iggy adjusted his crotch and winked, “Now, let’s head back and finish that trifecta you were working on.”